Be the Person who Does Something
Have you had the thought, someone should do something about that, and not done anything about the situation yourself? Have you ever had reason to think, oh that poor (person, woman, guy, girl, kid, etc.), while doing nothing to help them, even when you could have?
Because Even if Everyone is Thinking It, Almost No One Will
Do you imagine that you’re a good person?
Most people believe themselves to be good, but I’m not convinced that belief would stand up to scrutiny for every person who assumes it of themselves. Sure, you pay your taxes, you hold the door for the person behind you, maybe you even recycle, but I want you to really think about something for me…
Have you had the thought, someone should do something about that, and not done anything about the situation yourself? Have you ever had reason to think, _oh that poor (person, woman, guy, girl, kid, etc.), while doing nothing to help them, even when you could have?
It’s not possible, nor is it your responsibility, to fix the entire world, but I would guess that most of us have experienced a situation where we know we should have “done something” but chose in the moment not to. Maybe it was inconvenient, maybe it was scary, or maybe we just thought it was none of our business. Either way, I strive to be the person who is willing to take action when I can, even when it’s inconvenient, socially awkward, scary, or might be none of my business - because If I were the person in need, rather than the bystander, I would hope someone else would be willing to do the same.
The Subtle Difference Between Nice and Kind
Are you familiar with the difference between being nice and being kind? Though the two appear from a distance to be synonyms, there’s actually a very distinct and important difference, and in my opinion one of them is much preferable. Can you guess which it is?
The dictionary definitions from Merriam-Webster of the two already show a little bit of the divide:
- Nice: adj. - “polite, kind, pleasing, or agreeable”
- Kind: adj. - “of a sympathetic or helpful nature”
To better illustrate the difference, picture a car broken down by the side of the road. Let’s say it has a flat tire. It’s a sedan, nothing too sporty, very relatable. The driver of the ill-fated car kneels by the wheel and struggles with the jack, trying to figure out how to get the flat off and the spare on.
People drive by, looking out their window at the unfortunate soul with a pitying frown, “Oh that poor person-woman-guy-girl-or-kid”, they think — or say, if there’s someone in the car with them! “If only I weren’t on my way to work-school-the-store-my-in-laws-vacation-the-airport-or-wherever, I would absolutely stop to help them… Because I’m a good person!” The thought echos through the heads of dozens, maybe hundreds of passing drivers.
Finally, one car pulls over behind the stopped car. The Hero of the story steps out, strolls over to the struggling flat-tire victim and says brusquely, “You don’t know how to change a flat, huh?”
Torn between pride and shame, the person fumbling with the jack looks up in surprise and stammers, “No. I do not.”
“Your parents never taught you?” The hero asks, shaking their head. “I don’t know how you made it this far in life. Get out of the way.” He (or she) kneels down, and in a few minutes, the car is, once again, ready to roll.
The Hero hands the jack to the grateful driver, looks them in the eye and says, “You should know how to change a flat. You can’t always count on the kindness of strangers,” and with that, he or she hops back into their own vehicle and drives off into the sunset.
So, there it is: kindness is what we have when we do something helpful, even if it’s not the most pleasing or polite of attitudes. Niceness is more shallow, agreeable - it’s feeling for someone in a bad situation, sending them well wishes and good vibes, without actually taking action to remedy their situation.
Being a Good Person When it’s Not Easy
I have a theory that most people are good when it’s convenient, or when it comes with personal benefit, such as increased feelings of self-worth or the respect of others. I’m no better by default. I only want to pick up trash on the sidewalk if I know I’ll be passing a trash can soon, and I don’t like to let other drivers cut in front of me when I’m in a hurry. I’ve had to work very hard to cultivate a habit of doing what I believe is the right thing even when it’s not convenient, and I’ve done so by listening for that inner voice that says, “someone should do something about that…” and deciding that that someone is me.
An Unexpected Ride Share
Years ago, I was traveling for work between Baton Rouge, LA, and Dallas, TX. While waiting for one of my return flights, it was announced that a storm made it impossible to land in Baton Rouge, and that our flight would be cancelled. Passengers would be automatically rebooked on a flight to New Orleans, a little over an hour drive from the original destination.
Immediately, the entire crowd at the gate lined up around the customer service desk, desperate for another option. It was already late, and the chances of catching another flight either from Dallas or from New Orleans after landing were practically null. Many people were disappointed. The woman behind the customer service desk was frantic.
I could tell the poor customer service woman was at her wit’s end when the large man in front of me in line started to raise his voice at her. He was home from working on an oil rig for only one week, and he would not stand for any further loss of his very short time on land.
It was the second or third time the poor woman tried to explain that there were no possible flights into Baton Rouge that night and before it occurred to me to interrupt, “You can come with me,” I said. “My husband is coming to pick me up from New Orleans and driving back to Baton Rouge tonight. Just take the flight to New Orleans, and we can give you a ride.”
The man stepped aside from the customer service desk, his focus lost and his anger breaking like a storm at this new possibility. He was surprised, confused, uncertain, but after a few minutes he agreed.
A few hours and a few too-long oil-rig stories later, the three of us (my husband included) arrived safely in Baton Rouge. I’ve never heard from the man again, but I am certain my actions made his week, that of his girlfriend, and that of the customer service woman substantially better.
A Simple Phone Call
I walk a lot. When you walk, you have time to observe things around you and time to stop and react to them. More so than while driving, at least. One Saturday, walking home from a restaurant, my husband and I passed by a six inch stream of water gushing up out of the ground in front of storefront that was under construction. It appeared to be a broken sprinkler head or pipe. Water had pooled in the flower bed, overflowed into the street and was rushing into a nearby storm drain. It was clear this had been going on for a while already, and it was unlikely that the shop owner would be coming back until construction resumed on Monday.
“Do you think he knows?” I asked my husband. A sarcastic phrase that I tend to use when I see something unfortunate that is very likely not known by the person experiencing the misfortune. For example, a “kick me” sign on someone’s back. Of course_, he didn’t know_, so I stopped and looked around for a way to help.
“Come on,” my husband said, a little annoyed. “There’s nothing we can do.” He had some progress yet to make in his own journey back then. Maybe he still does. I do, too. I don’t believe any of us are ever really finished growing.
“No, I found a phone number.” I told him, dialing the number listed on some construction-related paperwork taped to the shop window.
A voice on the other end answered, sounding like I had interrupted a very pleasant Saturday afternoon.
“Hi. Do you have a shop in West Village?”
“Yes.” The voice said, even more annoyed. What was with people being grumpy on such a lovely Saturday?
“Well, I’m not sure if it’s yours, but there’s a sprinkler out front of your building just gushing water everywhere. I thought you should know in case you’re paying for the water.”
“I’ll be right there,” he said with a newfound sense of urgency. The annoyance had totally evaporated.
There, I thought. Now, he knows! And I resumed my walk with my slightly annoyed husband, content to know that someone had done something.
The Value of Homelessness Care Kits
My husband has always been powerfully empathetic. It tugs his heart strings to see people on the street asking for money, and unfortunately that’s a common occurrence when you live in a city.
I’ve read that it’s better to donate to organizations or shelters that can help in an organized way rather than hand out cash to individuals, and prefer to do that to give them a better chance of improving their circumstances. However, when someone is looking at you with their hand outstretched, that statistic is of little comfort to you or to them.
In an attempt to find some middle ground between doling out cash and passing by with eyes averted, I researched what items were most helpful to people on the street and created care kits that could be handed out. Here are some of the top do’s and don’t’s of that list, in case you’d like to try:
- Bottled water
- Socks
- Chapstick, Sunscreen, or Bandaids
- Mints, cough drops or gum
- Nail clippers
- Hand wipes or tissues
- Snacks such as soft granola bars, cereal bars, peanut butter or cheese crackers.
- Applesauce, pudding, or fruit cups
- Toiletries, such as toothpaste, toothbrush, deodorant, or shampoo
- NO Objects that contain alcohol, such as hand sanitizer or mouthwash
- NO Hard foods, as many people will not have access to dental care
If you’d like to learn more, check out this site, which I checked in 2024 to ensure my list are still appropriate items for care kits. This list is consistent with what we have learned and made in the past.
The most important item we included was a list of shelters and food banks in the area, along with a map to locate them and intake hours for each. I couldn’t find a list like this for the Dallas area online, so I ended up researching and putting the information together myself, and trying to fit it onto one printed page.
Armed with a few of these care kits, we were able to take action when we encountered homelessness in the wild, immediately providing items that would make the person more comfortable in their current situation and resources that would enable them to seek out further help when they were ready. We didn’t expect to fix the entire world, but we felt like we were doing something real in our little corner of it.
A Quick Aside About Giving: The Society of St. Andrew
Regarding donations, I highly recommend donating to the Society of St Andrew, a charity that focuses on rescuing food that would otherwise go to waste, and distributing it to those in need. I have donated to them many times since I learned about them around 2012, and they are the most efficient charity that I have ever heard of. A single dollar provides 30 servings of healthy whole foods. I am not financially involved with them in any way (aside from as a donor), but as far as I am concerned it’s one of the most effective ways to give.
Back to Being a Good Person
It’s easy to skip over doing something kind because it doesn’t fit into whatever you had planned for your day, but more often than not, the sacrifices we would actually make are quite small. There is tremendous benefit to creating a culture of people who do the right thing because it’s right and are willing to take care of each other. In my opinion, a society like this would be well worth the slight inconveniences that we might experience.
I’m the last person who would argue for helping someone else at real harm to yourself, but I think it’s important to be honest with ourselves about the true harm may befall us. In many cases, I think we blow up the inconvenience in our heads of something like being a few minutes late to a meeting or date, calling a person we don’t know, risking making a mistake by asking a stranger if they need help and having them turn us down.
If we evaluate the potential harm of trying to help when we get that feeling that someone should, we will know when that someone should be us. If we weigh the true cost of our action against the impact our actions could have on another person’s life, it becomes easy to permit a little inconvenience. If we think of what we would want the strangers to do if our roles were reversed, the answer becomes clear.
Keep these in mind today, this week, this month, and this year, and find opportunities for you to prove to yourself that you are a good person.