Getting to Know Your "Laudable Life"

Because You Can't Start a Journey Without a Destination in Mind

I like to say that “happiness is not a destination, but the sensation of moving forward in a direction of your choosing.”

What if you haven’t chosen that direction? What if you don’t know how?

If this is you, you’re not alone. When I was 18 and faced with choosing a college, a major, and if we’re honest with ourselves – a life – I was one of the few people who was absolutely certain that I had no idea what to choose. I liked science, but I liked art too. I had always done well in my math classes, but I also loved building things in my tech ed and shop classes. It seemed like there could be amazing opportunities down any of at least a dozen roads, but how could I know which was the “right” one?

Everyone around me was making plans, choosing paths, applying to schools with a great reputation for whatever-chosen-field-of-study and I felt like the crazy one for admitting that I wasn’t sure.

I’ve grown to believe that no one really knows at that time. Everyone is making their best guess, and statistically some of those guesses pan out. However, the current configuration of the education system, along with societal perception that you either go to college or assume you’ll endure life as a sanitation worker places us at the edge of a precipice at a mere 17 or 18 years old. We truly believe at that time that we must choose the path we’ll follow for the rest of our lives. How many people really do end up sticking to that path? More importantly, how many people are happy with it?

With a little research, I found that an average of 73% of college graduates are not working in a job related to their college major, and that number is much higher for some degrees (Abel and Deitz, 2015). This next part is just speculation, but I would think that more people start out in a position related to their major soon after college (within 1-5 years) and gradually realize that they aren’t happy with it, choosing some time down the road to start over. It wouldn’t surprise me if a time-stratified graph of the same data showed that as time passed, fewer people remained in their initially chosen fields.

This is all to say that no one knows what they want to be at 18, or 22 or – you know – for the rest of their lives. Honestly, though, you’re never really locked in! The question worth asking yourself is instead who you want to be, and what kind of life you want to live? There are many paths to that ideal life, but a focus on the elements of that life that will bring long-term fulfillment should at least get you on the path. Notice – I did not say the “right” path here: There isn’t one.

Identifying Your Laudable Life

How often do you think about what you really want in life? I’m not talking about a new car, the latest iPhone, or a bigger house. I mean, what is it that drives you? – Nope, still not talking about the car. What are qualities and behaviors that you don’t only want now, but want to always be a part of your life?

If you have already cultivated a life of ambition and dedication to doing the best you can at all times, you may have a pretty good idea of what drives you. This is likely because you’ve taken the time to consider different options and try out new things. From the other side, it can seem like these driven individuals have won the genetic lottery, born with an inexplicable willingness to work until they succeed. That’s not the case. They don’t have anything unique or special that isn’t accessible to the rest of the population. Drive can be learned. Ambition is a skill that can be practiced.

In my experience, the biggest blocker for anyone who thinks they just don’t have “it” – the thing that drives others to do more – is lack of direction. You’ll start to unlock this apparent superpower by having a clear understanding of what you enjoy, what encourages you, and what you are willing to take responsibility for. Becoming familiar with those motivators and setting them along the course of this racetrack we call life will go a long way toward giving you a reason to get up in the morning.

In order to assess these motivations, I came up with a thought experiment that I call “Your Laudable Life.” It’s the life you would have if money, time, and well… obstacles were no obstacle.

Whatever business idea you have, assume you succeed. Whatever issues you’re dealing with, assume you’ve overcome them. If you haven’t found your spouse, assume by this time you’ve found them. First imagine what the perfect life would be. Are you sipping Mai Tais on a beach? A lot of people are, at first, but let the Laudable Life continue from there… You keep sipping, keep lounging, and eventually you’re just overweight, hungover, and sunburned. You can’t be on vacation forever. That’s not a life.

I’m sure you can imagine some of the ways someone might describe their perfect life:

• “My perfect life would be never having to work again!”
• “In my perfect life, I would eat ice cream every day, but never gain any weight.”
• “My life would be just perfect if I lived on a beach in Belize and never had to go home.”

The idea behind the Laudable Life is to think past what would be fun or pleasurable in a given moment. The Laudable life is something that you uphold as respectable, honorable, even admirable. It’s the life of someone you can look up to, only that someone is you.

In order to come up with what this life would look like for you, you can examine different dimensions to see where your values and priorities land. You can learn a lot about yourself through practices such as the 16 Personalities test, which you can take for free, but keep in mind that these only work if you are already self-aware and can answer each question honestly and accurately. Sometimes, our perception of ourselves is based on the idea of the person we used to be, and sometimes, we just don’t know ourselves very well to begin with.

If you opt not to go take the personality test, here are a few dimensions you can consider at a high level. Some of my comments are in relation to career choices, but these can apply to family, location, hobbies, etc. Career just makes up the largest single time commitment for most people. If there were no obstacles, where would you find yourself on these axes? (That’s the plural of axis, not the tool for chopping.)

These are not necessarily opposite ends of each spectrum, and your answer might be that your ideal life would be a mix of them. That’s okay, this is just a method to orient your thoughts.

• Stability vs Novelty - Do you feel more at home when you have a stable routine and predictability or when you are exposed to new experiences and challenges on the regular? This may indicate whether you are willing to take on more risks, whether you would like a life that includes frequent travel, or whether you want to settle in a bit more.
• Supporting vs Creating - There are plenty of life roles in which you get to be the star of the show, creating value directly with your own hands, brain, or persona. It’s easy to forget that there are incredibly important roles in which the value you create is through supporting and enhancing the contributions of others, perhaps as an editor rather than an author. You may take joy from the impact you have on the lives of others or through improving existing works. It’s worth considering which feels right to you.
• Physical vs Immaterial - Do you take a particular satisfaction from creating something in the physical world? Some minds are better fulfilled by the unquestionable contribution of bringing a physical object or product into being – for example, through engineering, construction, or art. Or, you may be thrilled to create knowledge works, provide a service, or build a digital product.
• Observing vs Feeling - Your path may involve an understanding of the world that requires strict observation, studying patterns and drawing conclusions. Alternatively, it may require you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and try to guess or interpret what the reality of their experience may be – think therapist or hostage negotiator. Do you prefer to base your efforts on measurable statistics, your best conjecture, or emotional attunement?
• Social vs Individual - You may prefer a role in which you spend most of your time surrounded by people, in which they play an integral role to your daily routine. On the other hand, you may enjoy some isolation and the ability to move forward independently. Neither choice negates the option to have a social circle, but this dimension may impact how much you travel, where you choose to live, and what sort of career might be a good fit.

While there is a lot more to think about beyond these dimensions, these provide a starting point to understand that sort of variance that can exist in the many versions of an otherwise “perfect” life.

Also noteworthy – this is not a question of “what would you like your life to be like in five years” or “ten”, or “thirty”. The time frame is irrelevant. Restricting your imagined future life to a specific time frame will encourage you to limit yourself to what you think would be reasonable to accomplish for that time frame.

I’ve heard that people tend to overestimate what they can accomplish in short timeframes, like an hour, a day, or a week, but they underestimate what they can do in time frames of a year or greater. Don’t try to be reasonable. Assume that anything is possible and that you will continue working towards whatever path you have set for yourself until it is achieved. The satisfaction will come from working toward it, not from achieving the projected life.

Why “Laudable”?

After trying out a number of phrases to describe what I wanted to convey, “Laudable” won out, defined by Merriam-Webster as “an action, idea, or goal worthy of praise or commendation.” Laudable is a better fit than words such as “perfect” because the average person’s idea of a “perfect” life implies completeness, a destination in which no more growth or change is required. In addition, the concepts that often come to mind are unrealistic and based on hedonic pleasures rather than goals or values that would make that person sustainably happy.

The first thing that “Laudable” brings to the table, which words like perfect do not, is a sense of respectability rather than a focus on hedonism. A Laudable Life is more likely to be one in which you 1) make sure that your family wants for nothing, 2) aim for a job that brings you meaning, rather than no job at all, or 3) realistically plan for early retirement (and move to Belize, if that’s what floats your boat). A laudable life is one which is praiseworthy from the outside as well as within, a life that you would be proud to live and would respect others for living.

In addition, Laudable carries the meaning that the pursuit itself is commendable, regardless of whether it is ever achieved. Oxford Dictionary’s definition includes this emphasis, “​​deserving to be praised or admired, even if not really successful.” Seeing this definition, at first I was hesitant to keep the word, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it’s perfect. The pursuit itself of the Laudable Life is what will bring you happiness and satisfaction, so a word that subtly implies the same makes it an even better fit.

My Laudable Life

In my vision of my laudable life, the things I emphasize are how work will fit into my life, how I might contribute something to the world, financial security, and living for adventure. I picture having achieved success in my career, while also having time for other ventures that add to the creative fulfillment of my life. I imagine that I have created some things – products, tools, books, or blogs – and put them out into the world. I imagine that I have a chance to influence other people’s lives for the better and leave a mark on the world. I envision having built up the financial security to take care of my family and the people close to me both in emergencies and in enrichment of our daily lives.

Finally, I cannot imagine a life in which I do not continue to seek out adventures – international travel, adventurous sports, worldly foods, and new hobbies at home. I refuse to give up the exploration of new things and the possibility that each thing I try might become an integral part of my future.

With these high-level targets in mind, I shape my life daily by building up skills and resources. I have acquired the technical skills and financial security that allow me to take the risk of running my own business. My financial security also allows me to travel often, with international trips at least once a year and other vacations interspersed throughout the year. I’ve been able to work remotely for years, which allows me to mix and match travel with creative inspiration.

Setting your goals based on this kind of all-encompassing picture of the future you are working toward is the best way to make sure you are pointing your compass in the right direction. It’s likely to be a long journey, so having your Laudable Life to represent your True North will help you navigate some of the rough patches along the way.

Your Laudable Life Can Evolve

That said, remember that it is acceptable, even necessary to update your view of your laudable life periodically to make sure that it aligns with your values as you grow as a person. Inevitably, priorities change, and that’s okay!

Sometimes our choices can open a path to us that we never knew existed and reveal something that absolutely must be added to our idea of the Laudable Life, like trying hang-gliding for the first time on your 31st birthday, and deciding that at some point before you’re old, you absolutely must sign up for lessons and become capable of flying on your own.

Changes can happen, and they don’t indicate a failure in your planning or in the concept of Laudable Life as a whole. The purpose of the exercise is to give you a picture to aim for, which will help solidify your motivations and direction. As long as your current picture serves that purpose, it does not matter if it changes. Re-evaluate your ideal future every so often – once a year is plenty – and course-correct your daily decisions to guide you closer to your latest vision.

When you know what you want and why you want it, you unlock hidden motivations. With an idea of what life you are working towards, a belief that you are capable of getting there – or at least closer to it, and a steady effort to make the decisions that bring you a little closer every day, you’ll have the assurance of knowing where you want to go and how to get there. Having a target makes it easier to negotiate with yourself on the incremental changes that will steer you to your goals.