Spend Your Mental Energy Wisely

Because You Make Bad Choices When It Runs Out

There is a phenomenon that I have been aware of for a long time, but have only recently attempted to describe. It has to do with why we sometimes feel capable of practicing self-discipline work smooth confidence, and other times feel like even the smallest ask, such as resisting the ice cream in the freezer, is an insurmountable challenge. It's the kind of thing that leaves you thinking, "Today is not my day. Forget it. I'll start again tomorrow."

Our human capacity to endure endless challenges and feel on top of the world some days, while being totally defeated others may feel random at times, but what if it's not?

My theory is that there is an extent to which we can perform mentally or emotionally taxing tasks before we reach a point where we “just can’t” anymore.

Do you find that when you have a hard day at work, it seems less important to stop at the gym on the way home? If you failed a test in school, would you notice the ice cream in the freezer was more likely to call your name? If you have a fight with your spouse, are you more likely to stay up late watching TV or playing games? When things don't go your way, do you find yourself reaching for the nearest available dopamine crutch, instead of working on your novel, screenplay, business plan, or side project? You know -- the project you told yourself that you would finish before the end of the year last New Year's Eve, and the one before that, and the one before that.

We all make promises to ourselves, that this time we'll do better. We'll be better.

We all break them too.

We start the day with best intentions. We'll be certain that we will eat healthy, work out, and spend our free time on things that matter.

Then, the day takes its toll. If we miss our train, we feel a little bit more drained. It rains and we don't have an umbrella, and we think, Why me? We arrive late to an important meeting, still damp from the rain, and we think How can this day get any worse?

In isolation, these things are pretty minor, but each one takes a little bit out of the confidence and intention with which we started the day.

When push comes to shove, if other things during the course of the day haven't gone well, we just don't do the thing that we know we objectively wanted to do at the start of the day.

Is it possible that we want the thing less than we thought we did? We may convince ourself of it in a moment of discouraged and exhausted exasperation.

In fact, my husband convinced himself for a long time that he didn't really want to be an author. But after coming back to the dream again repeatedly over the course of a decade, it was too persistent to ignore. Finally, he committed to the idea, making a point to focus on the consistency of the process, rather than seeking immediate feedback that he was approaching his end goal.

In reality, it was never true that he didn't want to be an author. Stories run through his blood. It was just difficult for him to believe that he was doing the right thing when it was possible for him to reach the end of his rope even while working on what he loved.

I’m sure you’ve encountered that feeling as well, perhaps after a stressful meeting or a difficult fight with a spouse or close friend -- coming home, looking at your passion project and thinking "nope, not today."

I theorized back in college that people have an invisible resource that depletes when doing things that are mentally hard. This can be caused by the task being intellectually heavy, stressful, emotionally taxing, or requiring self-control.

I have decided to call this phenomenon mental energy.

It can often feel like a precious and scarce resource.

It's easy to drain this form of energy through rigorous mental tasks, such as studying, working, planning, writing, or making difficult decisions. It can even be drained by stressful social situations, including but not limited to conflict. It can be draining just to be socially "on" for long periods of time if you're not the kind of person who is energized by social situations.

When your mental energy for a given day is low, even the smallest mental task feels insurmountable. The good news is, awareness of mental energy as a limiting factor allows you to be more intentional about spending it. Say "no" to invitations for draining events that don't add value to your life, and prioritize activities that will build toward your desired future early in the day while your mental energies stores are still high.

This type of energy can not only be replenished, but its capacity can be increased over time, allowing you to do more before you feel the need to take a break and recharge. You can read more about improving your ability to endure mentally or emotionally taxing experiences and start to practice the things that will give you more tolerance for the things that would usually drain your mental energy.

You can master your mental energy, rather than letting it limit you. The process starts with awareness and continues with discipline and practice.